Emily på Gumtree

For nyligt valgte Em at opsige sit arbejde på en pub i The City med det ønske at opdage, hvad London ellers har at byde på. Hun gjorde herefter som alle andre normale jobsøgende i London og oprettede en annonce på Gumtree.com (Englands største site for jobannoncer, red.), hvor hun stillede sig selv til rådighed som waitress, bartender, nanny etc. - the ususal stuff.

Nedenunder er et par af de henvendelser, som hun fik på sin jobannonce, you know - the usual stuff.

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Email:

Hey! I am going to keep this brief and to the point.I know it may not be you but it is a good way to pay the Christmas bills or a crazy once in a while idea that just pushes your buttons. I am paying £100 for attendence, and £50 towards the costume for a crazy little Adult themed party I have in mind. It will be just girls and myself wearing masks and a see through top or topless with nice skits on.It will just be a quiet evening with a few drinks and quite a few laughs.. I will cover all costs and is a pure looking only party with a few hugs and random silly drunken behaviour oh and truth or dare, with people able to go when they feel like they have had enough.Yes it is different, yes it may not be you, but you had a simply fantastic look I thought I would ask anyway I am looking at doing meetings and interviews over the next week with the party the following week. Anyway I hope youare having a fantastic day talk son, email me on XXXXXX gmail com (please put the . in) as gumtree blocks some emails.

From: Matt

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Hi Emily Mai, you sound like someone I would be interested in. I'm a nice looking genuine English guy looking for a nice girl for dates. I can offer a good level of support cash in hand on a flexible basis
Hear from you soon.

From:

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Hi there. Just saw your Gumtree ad. Would u be interested in having me as your financial slave? You would get to take my cash 4 doing nothing in return. Ricky.

From:

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Vi afbryder en stund for at bringe en random telefonopringning, som Emily modtog midt i henvendelserne fra en anonymitet:

Emily: Hello

Man voice: Hello Emily, how are you?

Emily: Who is this?

Man voice: It's me. Can't you regonize my voice?

Emily: No. Who is it?!

Man voice: Are you still in bed?

Emily: I really can't here who this is.

[silence]

Man voice: Do you wan't me to lick your arse?

Emily: NOOOOOOOO (lægger røret på og sletter herefter sit telefonnummer fra Gumtree-annoncen).

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Email:

hello,
Iam Max a lawyer from overseas working on several projects here in London.
Iam looking for a Companion for about 2 or 3 evenings a week to have a friend who comes with me for drinks, dinner, theatre and all london has to offer as well as sex at my hotel.
Pay is 600 a week.
If thats of interest please get in touch for details.
Have a great day M.

From: M

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Heya.


Please forgive me for writing to you like this and my proposal may sound stupid and ridiculous but… it’s very genuine and serious… Red you ad…. Well, to elaborate: I am seeking a genuine fun loving girl to spend some quality time with and in return I am ready to help her financially… I am not offering you a job… But some extra cash to earn in your free time. As regards I am in my 30s good-looking and fit. Don’t smoke, social drinker, and I don’t do drugs. And I am not into any weird stuff but just seek normal girlfriend experience… I am very genuine… And I live in SE London. And I am well established with my business of property development… And if we do have that chemistry you will be pampered with expensive gifts like agent provocateur and La Perla…. And if we do have that chemistry where we feel good in each others company we could meet 2-3 times a month. I would be willing to pay £200 for every time we meet up. If you like we could meet initially in a public place for a coffee and formostly I’m not seeking a relationship but just a discreet mutual friendship. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t got a social life or I’m incapable of having a girlfriend. But it is just that at this moment I’m not interested in having any emotional relationship and neither am I interested in one night stands or paying an escort as there has to be a certain level of care and mutual respect for each other. It’s more of a friends with benefits kind of relationship. I’m free on weekends or weekday evenings. Hope I have been elaborate as I can, but if you have any questions, plz feel free to ask. This is a genuine response.
Regards x.

From:

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Hi! I may be able to use you for a new launch. Please send CV. Patrick

From: Patrick

Hi Patrick! Thanks for contacting me. 
To be perfectly honest, I don't have other experience than TV presenter course, Documentary making course and having my own Video blog in Danish :) So there's not a lot on my TV CV.. yet :) You have to start somewhere right?! :) BUT! I'm sure I'm perfect for what you are looking for :-) .. What are you looking for?

From: Emily

Hahaha! You're funny! That's a start...and perfect. Interesting that you are Danish. I lived in Aarhus for some time. Planning to visit again soon. Can you train other presenters? In both languages?
Let's meet for a discussion of my project.

From: Patrick

Small world, I am from Aarhus :)  Yes sound interesting, maybe I could?!  When are you free to meet?

From: Emily

This evening? I'm west London. Where are you?

From: Patrick

sorry, I am working.. Tomorrow before 5pm?

From: Emily

Yes, that's ok. 2pm at Westfield, Shepherd's Bush?

From: Patrick

Yes sounds good! ( Did I just arrange to meet a stranger from Gumtree, (that sounds so wrong)) Are u a freak or a predator or something? .. That would be nice to know :)

From: Emily

No, I'm a serial murderer with a chain saw!! What are you bringing to the party? Lol!

From: Patrick

About tomorrow... Yeeeeaaa probably not gonna work, as i like living!! 
On a serious note, do you promise that you are not a weird freak/pervert/muder/rapist/....??

From: Emily

I promise I'm a nice person with a great concept launching soon. I knoe gumtree has lots of strange people using it!!

From: Patrick

Good!! Then i shall see you tomorrow at Westfields @ 2pm. where in west fields?

From: Emily

Marks and Spencer's cafe.

From: Patrick

Do you mind telling me a bit about the project, before I meet you?

From: Emily

I do mind. I'll tell you what I need to tell you when I meet, once I'm happy that you are a suitable person. I don't blab my business to people I have not met. I hope you understand? See you soon.

From: Patrick

Emily mødtes efterfølgende med manden. Han viste sig at være på udkig efter nye "undertøjsmodeller" til sin nylancherende website...

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